walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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