Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
