i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
