what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
He did a backflip because drugs
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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