just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize