You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
