First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
