so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
