I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
how do flat chested girls get laid?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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