you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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