i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
