Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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