WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
