If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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