I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
