I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
