..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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