Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
