Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
