we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
