my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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