Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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