We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
i think my cat just said my name.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
