I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Hello my rib-scented angel!
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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