Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize