Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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