I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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