We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Randomize
