I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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