Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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