I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
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