We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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