I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
