dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
