I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Someone signed my nipple.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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