First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
