Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Randomize
