They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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