to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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