Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
