you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
