Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize