i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
