I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
