and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
