omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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