I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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