I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
