yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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