half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
