My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
