Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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