remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
