woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
