I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
