So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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