Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
