??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
