i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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