You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Randomize
