the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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