I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
