I didn't shave. On purpose
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
the night ended with taco bell and tears
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
