All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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