he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
