I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Randomize
