Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Randomize