i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
