and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
