Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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