1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Damn victory sex feels great
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
