theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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