I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
