Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
