IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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