She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
