You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
