I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
