Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
