just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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