i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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