and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
