she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
