Taylor Swift is so right about you.
kristin has been a bad kristin
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
