I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
