New invention idea: vibrating tampons
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
