We tried having a conversation with our noses.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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